Boy closed out the first week of school today. Fortunately, we have Labor Day 3-day weekend to pick up the pieces and regroup. Boy is teetering on the brink of psychiatric crisis. He says he’s depressed. I see signs of intense stress. It sounds bad but this is typical new school year struggle for Boy. A friend who raised two boys told me that a parent’s job is to keep them alive until age 21. Four years to go.
Boy missed his 6pm curfew last night but answered his phone when I called. He gave me his general location. I was able to pick him up and have him home by 7pm. He was clearly sad – on the verge of tears. Boy rarely cries so I took note. When I inquired, I got no response. I was pleased that Boy was safe and with me, so I let it drop. Boy ate dinner, growled at family for a few minutes and was in bed by 7:30pm. I recorded it as a successful night.
I set my alarm for 5:30am, an hour early, allowing time to complete Geometry homework. I never tell Boy that it’s earlier than usual. I just proceed as normal. We have a very specific morning routine. Boy is very attached to his routines. I pay the price when I try to change his routines. Boy teaches Mom: Respect the Routine.
He’s not very aware in the mornings. This morning is no exception. The Geometry assignment is not difficult for Boy. One problem is a brain teaser and Boy glommed on to it and showed me how to get the right answer. I calculated an incorrect answer but Boy proved me wrong with a diagram. It’s exactly these moments that convince me that Boy has a big brain masked by disabilities.
Starting Tuesday, Boy will be in a mainstream Conceptual Physics class in addition to his mainstream Geometry class. I am so happy with this development. It has been four years since Boy sat in a mainstream classroom. And he has never been in a classroom without an aide, other than 1st grade. Boy has also been given the option to shadow the grounds crew rather than sit in study hall. He will earn elective credit either way. I thought he would be happy with the shadow option but he’s not because its not his first choice. His first choice is to shadow a PE teacher. Initially, I was disappointed with Boy’s ungrateful stance. The school staff and I have jumped through some flaming hoops to make last minute scheduling changes per Boy’s wishes. But really, what teenager is grateful for parental effort? I’m over it.
I’m wondering how school was today for Boy. I haven’t heard from him. I’ve tried calling and texting. No response. It’s an hour past curfew. I don’t expect him to come home tonight. It’s just a gut feeling. Boy was very cranky this morning. He was yelling before 7am. He told me that when he is 18 next year, he will not invite me to his IEP meetings because I just mess things up. He’s angry because he is still stuck in two SpED classes: English and World History. I’m not sure if I should be listening to Boy for a message or if I should consider his words an angry tirade - teenage tantrum. He’s out the door a few minutes early to catch his bus. I record it as a successful morning.
Friday, August 31, 2012
Thursday, August 30, 2012
School Starts
Day three of Sophomore year. Boy's life is very eventful. I don't think most people believe all the happenings. As Boy's mom, I take it in stride most days. My patience and perseverance amaze me. No, that's not right. I've always had patience and perseverance. What amazing me is how my patience and perseverance are applied to my life today. Oh, the places my life has taken me. Remember the 1980's Talking Heads song line, "This is not my life... How did I get here?"
I do get stressed some days. For instance, yesterday I spoke to Boy at 3pm. He was skating to Axis Group which starts at 4pm. He said he wanted to go. Great, check that battle off my list. "Mom, don't be so paranoid. I'm skating to Axis right now." Boy's new word is "paranoid". Must be a 16 year old word. He uses it to describe himself and me. So, I get a call from Axis leader at 5pm, "Where's Boy?" OK, Boy told me two hours ago that he wanted to go to Axis Group and he was en route. Now I'm stressed. Why? Because I sense that Boy needs my help and I feel more comfortable with the "let them make their mistakes" method of parenting. So I do the drive - skate park, mall, school, no luck. I text Boy's buddy, Tug, asking for an honest response to Boy's location. Honest response - Tug hasn't seen Boy since 5th period PE. I decide Boy may be at Axis Group by now so I go there.
Yes, he's here, in line for a drug test. Boy looks sad, like he's out of options. I ask him where he's been. Blah, blah,blah. Lie, lie, lie. I tell him it's a bad lie and he should just be honest and say stuff like, "I don't want to be here," or "Last session ended badly so I was afraid to come back," or "I'm afraid the other kids are gonna laugh at me again." Sometimes Boy gets a sad look that I know is closer to depression than teenage funk. I don't want him to start the school year off in-patient. I shift into rescue mode. How can I alleviate stress from Boy? He says he doesn't want to be in Axis Group. I say, OK. He says he doesn't want to be in SpED classes. I say OK. He says his best class is Geometry because it's mainstream and there's no drama. He says he wants to do the right thing at school but it's hard in the midst of chaos. He's making sense. I'm happy when Boy has reasonable thoughts. The flickers of maturity are so gratifying.
As it turns out, I had a chat with Boy's SpED teacher after school. I sensed something was not right about Science class - he's suppose to be in Conceptual Physics. He came home after first day of school talking Earth Science. I hate that SpED classes are not as straight forward as mainstream classes. Boy's SpED science class is spilt in two groups - Biology and Physical Science. Boy has taken both courses already. Seems to be a perfect opportunity to move him to mainstream Conceptual Physics. Need to convince IEP team of that. Course changes permitted until end of week. Wish me luck.
Boy's only homework last night was Geometry. The assignment was very easy for him. Nice. Oh, one more thought. After school Boy said, "Taking Chemistry is a tall order." Those are not Boy's words. You know when your kid is just repeating something he's heard. I suspect school staff said that sentence to Boy yesterday. Boy has been talking about taking Chemistry all summer. Now he tells me it's a "Tall Order" meaning it is too hard for him. I read recently that 75% of all high school graduates in the United States have taken Chemistry. But someone at my son's school told him today that he should not reach that high. Grrrr.
I do get stressed some days. For instance, yesterday I spoke to Boy at 3pm. He was skating to Axis Group which starts at 4pm. He said he wanted to go. Great, check that battle off my list. "Mom, don't be so paranoid. I'm skating to Axis right now." Boy's new word is "paranoid". Must be a 16 year old word. He uses it to describe himself and me. So, I get a call from Axis leader at 5pm, "Where's Boy?" OK, Boy told me two hours ago that he wanted to go to Axis Group and he was en route. Now I'm stressed. Why? Because I sense that Boy needs my help and I feel more comfortable with the "let them make their mistakes" method of parenting. So I do the drive - skate park, mall, school, no luck. I text Boy's buddy, Tug, asking for an honest response to Boy's location. Honest response - Tug hasn't seen Boy since 5th period PE. I decide Boy may be at Axis Group by now so I go there.
Yes, he's here, in line for a drug test. Boy looks sad, like he's out of options. I ask him where he's been. Blah, blah,blah. Lie, lie, lie. I tell him it's a bad lie and he should just be honest and say stuff like, "I don't want to be here," or "Last session ended badly so I was afraid to come back," or "I'm afraid the other kids are gonna laugh at me again." Sometimes Boy gets a sad look that I know is closer to depression than teenage funk. I don't want him to start the school year off in-patient. I shift into rescue mode. How can I alleviate stress from Boy? He says he doesn't want to be in Axis Group. I say, OK. He says he doesn't want to be in SpED classes. I say OK. He says his best class is Geometry because it's mainstream and there's no drama. He says he wants to do the right thing at school but it's hard in the midst of chaos. He's making sense. I'm happy when Boy has reasonable thoughts. The flickers of maturity are so gratifying.
As it turns out, I had a chat with Boy's SpED teacher after school. I sensed something was not right about Science class - he's suppose to be in Conceptual Physics. He came home after first day of school talking Earth Science. I hate that SpED classes are not as straight forward as mainstream classes. Boy's SpED science class is spilt in two groups - Biology and Physical Science. Boy has taken both courses already. Seems to be a perfect opportunity to move him to mainstream Conceptual Physics. Need to convince IEP team of that. Course changes permitted until end of week. Wish me luck.
Boy's only homework last night was Geometry. The assignment was very easy for him. Nice. Oh, one more thought. After school Boy said, "Taking Chemistry is a tall order." Those are not Boy's words. You know when your kid is just repeating something he's heard. I suspect school staff said that sentence to Boy yesterday. Boy has been talking about taking Chemistry all summer. Now he tells me it's a "Tall Order" meaning it is too hard for him. I read recently that 75% of all high school graduates in the United States have taken Chemistry. But someone at my son's school told him today that he should not reach that high. Grrrr.
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