Birthday Boy

I hate this day but it has finally arrived and I am so glad. Boy is 17 today. Every year Boy struggles for the weeks leading to his birthday. It is such an unpleasant time for all of us. I remind myself that his angry words and obnoxious behavior are not personally directed at me. I remind myself that he is in pain and acting out because of some past trauma. I remind myself that this difficult period is finite – it only lasts for a month. Any yet, every year I am amazed at how difficult this time is for all of us. By next July, I’ll be thinking, “Why do I dread Boy’s birthday so much? How bad can it be?”

I wake Boy up at 5:30am with a birthday wish. He asks for his five more minutes, which is part of our daily routine. I grant him his five more minutes as I do every morning. Boy teaches Mom: Respect the Routine. Soon we are in the kitchen eating breakfast and discussing his birthday. We have already discussed each step of his birthday celebration several times but he needs to hear it over and over. Furthermore, after each step, we have to review the steps that have already occurred and those that are yet to occur. I’m not sure why this process is so important to Boy. Is he reviewing to remind me or to remind himself? Does he think there’s a better chance that they will actually occur if we continually review the steps? Does the sum of the steps have to equal some value in his mind? I don’t know the answers. I just know that this process brings content to Boy so I participate year after year.

Yesterday, Boy slept from 3:30pm until this morning with a short break for dinner. I prefer that he sleep to escape his feelings than tantrum, which has been his typical behavior for years. Even though we hardly interacted yesterday, each interaction was filled with anger, swearing, and threats. He was so determined to fight. He flew off the handle every few minutes. It was so absurd that it was hard to take him seriously. And yet, he was intensely serious. At these times, I wish I knew what was going on in his head. Something about his birthday has him so tormented that he relives it year after year. I wish I knew.

Not only is today Boy’s birthday, but it is the day of his first mainstream test in four years. Since he slept most of yesterday, he didn’t do any homework. Just before we get started on the morning study session, we get a text alerting us to a birthday email gift that should be delivered soon. Boy is suddenly happy. Study sessions are so much easier when we are only battling the disabilities – not the anger and the disabilities. We complete a respectable study hour and Boy is off to school.

In the evening I attend high school open house. I have a chance to meet with Boy’s teachers and walk through his daily schedule. As I move from class to class, I am so proud. Boy is doing it. He is in mainstream classes because he demanded it and I listened to him. He told me what he wanted and together we made it happen. Tonight I am hopeful. Tonight I am laying my head down with a smile on my face.